It’s no coincidence that fall is a time when many cultures and religions hold holidays and customs associated with honoring the dead. As the leaves change, the plants go dormant, and the temperature cools, it’s a natural time to be reminded that life is transient. Many of my patients have reported feeling grief lately and thinking more about loved ones who have passed on.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the fall season is associated with the Metal element, governed by the Lung and Large intestine. The lungs bring breath or life into the body, oxygenating the blood, while the large intestine lets go of what our body doesn’t need. The lungs and diaphragm act as a pump directing things down through the digestive system. The Large intestine expels old, dead blood cells and other waste that can be harmful if it stays in the body too long. These organs play an important role in the body’s lifecycle, balancing what comes in and what goes out in order to stay healthy.
Grief is the emotion associated with the metal element, as it disrupts the balanced in-out cycle. While grieving, our attention is on what we’ve lost, not on what we’re bringing in. Grief can affect nearly every system in the body from sleep disturbances and fatigue, to digestive issues and a weakened immune system. Seasons of grief are great times to tend to your body with acupuncture, herbal medicine, or bodywork. If you’re not regularly working with a therapist, it can be a good time for a check in. Here are some other ways you can support your grieving mind, body, and soul.
Supporting Lung Function and Breathing in Life
Breathing exercises - Deep breathing exercises have endless health benefits and help your body feel safe, present, and grounded. Gentle cardio exercise is another helpful way to work the lungs. Take a walk outside and focus on breathing and what’s beautiful about the fall season.
Vocalizations - Laugh, sing, hum, cry. Exercising your vocal cords has a calming and therapeutic effect whether it’s doing a breathing exercise with humming or chanting, singing in the shower, or attending a comedy show.
Gratitude - Focus on the present and future, not just the past. Journal or meditate on what you have that you’re grateful for and what’s coming up that you’re excited about.
Supporting Large Intestine Function and Letting Go
Deep cleaning - Deep cleaning isn’t just for the spring; clean out your closet, go through that box of stuff you’ve been avoiding, and donate items you don’t use or need. Letting go of what doesn’t serve you creates the space for what does.
Focus on digestion - Seasonal foods like squash, sweet potatoes, whole grains, and dark leafy vegetables are nutritious, high in fiber, and great for the digestive system. The metal element is associated with the color white. Sweet fruits with white flesh like pears, apples, and lychee are moistening to the digestion and can aid constipation. Spicy white onions, garlic, and radishes help disperse and move food through the digestive tract. These foods are also great for the immune system throughout the cold and flu season.
Honor Your Grief
Grief isn’t linear; it’s cyclical or spiralic. It’s not a disease to be cured, but a life-long condition to be tended to as it arises.
Create space for your grief - Grief is an uncomfortable feeling we often want to avoid, but what is suppressed often pops up stronger at a later date. Schedule time to focus on your grief. Attending a grief group is a great way to be around others who are going through similar experiences. Meet with anyone you trust to share memories and your experiences with grief. Journal or go on a walk with the intent of focusing on your loss. Pay attention to upcoming birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays that remind you of your loved one, and, if possible, consider taking the day off work or clearing your schedule in case you feel more tired or sad.
Build an alter - Create a physical space where you add pictures, mementos, favorite foods or flowers which remind you of people who have died. Spend a few moments a day at the altar lighting a candle, recalling memories, or even telling your loved one about your day. Consider other intentional ways of honoring the dead by cooking their favorite meals, participating in their favorite activities, or donating to causes they cared about.
Memento Mori
It’s perfectly normal to fear death and want to steer clear of thinking about it. But no matter how hard we try to avoid it, death is the one thing inevitable about life. Memento Mori is a latin phrase meaning “remembering we will die.” Acknowledging the inevitability of death brings more purpose, meaning, and value to life. If you haven’t already, consider doing estate and end-of-life planning; talk to your loved ones about their and your end of life wishes. Consider attending a death cafe, local cemetery walk, or consult with a death doula. The Chicago Death Doula Collective is a great resource for upcoming events in Chicago, deathworkers, book recommendations, and much more.
Remember that grief isn’t just for the death of a loved one. It’s normal and healthy to grieve job loss, a breakup, goals and dreams that didn’t pan out, even the disappointment we have in parents, leaders, and governments for not living up to our expectations. Grief is about the difficulty experiencing unwanted or unexpected change and disappointment.
Whatever you’re grieving right now, take care of yourself, and remember that the best way out is through.